never cold, just broken
by RDMerlin
Summary: She was an echo of good, and a shadow of evil. She was neither, she hovered in between. He knew that the next time they meet, it would either be in battle, or in a loving embrace. Both would end in tears-Mergana, please read and review-one shot


The cold winter mist kissed his skin gently, as if holding him in an embrace. The trees murmured between themselves, staring at him as he walked past, stirring the delicate peace of the night. The moon was hidden in the sky, but the stars seemed to be watching over him in its place. The night was bitterly cold, yet it calmed him inside. Barely anything stirred in the shadow apart from the odd shuffle or stray bird call. He was alone, apart from the nature that surrounded him. That was how it should be. He glared down at his feet, his sapphire blue eyes glowing with hidden secrets, and hidden pain. His breathing was ragged, and his heart was thumping in his ear. He observed his surroundings, huddling into himself as a bone chilling wind cut through him without mercy. He turned his gaze to the mountains, and the glittering expanse of water before him. His feet has led him here by instinct. He sat with his back against a tree, so he was staring out at the lake. Her lake.

A few months had passed since Morgana's terrible reign and the kingdom has yet to fully recover from all the damage done. He briefly wondered whether the king would ever break out of his distraught state. Merlin had often seen Uther glaring suspiciously at all the servants, and glancing nervously towards every stray shadow, or possible hiding place. He was paranoid, and even Arthur was suffering from it. He wondered if the king trusted anyone any more. Merlin had barely spoken properly to Arthur since they had manage to defeat Morgause and Morgana. It wasn't that they had nothing to say, it was just they had no way to say it. Arthur was continuously busy and consequently so was Merlin, but it wasn't the same anymore. Their was a sharp tension in the air that had never been there, and might never go away. A few days ago he had dreamed of Freya, being slaughtered by the prince, but instead of being in beast form, she was the innocent, frightened druid girl that he had fallen so deeply in love for. Tonight was the anniversary of her death, so it seemed fitting to visit the lake, despite the weather.

It was then that he heard a crunch, as undergrowth was trampled upon. He snapped his head up, eyes wide, hoping against hope that it was just a animal. But he knew it wasn't. He could sense the presence of magic, which seemed strangely comforting to him, as if he knew it from somewhere. It was warm, but it was hard, and bitter, and dangerous. He felt his heart skip a beat as his sight rested upon the last person he expected to see. She shouldn't be here, this was his place. He felt anger start to rise inside of him, before realising that he should probably be trying to get away. She was a traitor, and she wanted him dead, but when he met her eyes their was something different about them.

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><p>Morgana walked through the cold night, unsure of where she was going. She was frustrated and she felt crippled. Morgause had survived, with help from the isle of the bless, but her sister was not the same. She was darker, and cruel. Yes, Morgause had always been cruel, but never like she was now. Her eyes were ice, and she turned her hate on all, including Morgana. It hurt her to see her sister in such a state, but it also scared her. She knew Morgause was not well, and was far from fully recovered. Magic could heal the body, but it couldn't heal the mind, nor the soul. The hit on the head had done far worse to Morgause's brain then Morgana had ever feared. She was completely different, and her mood swings were savage and too rapid too predict. That was why she had left her sister in their hideaway alone. Morgana wanted to be on her own. She wondered if she had made the wrong decision. No, Camelot deserved to burn and perish in flames, like they had done to those like her, only by destroying Camelot could those with magic live freely. Yet, that didn't mean she wanted to leave everything behind. She missed the luxury of being the king's ward, even if she had to pretend she liked the man she loathed. She missed having someone she could rely on, yet she couldn't rely on anyone now. Merlin had betrayed her first, he was the cause of this, and now he was the cause for Morgause condition.<p>

She paused in her steps, eyes twinkling, was it true that Merlin had magic? That's what Morgause had said, but although she wanted to trust her sister, she didn't think she was able to now. How could he have magic? She bit her lip as she realised it was fairly obvious when you thought about how much he knew, and how he always escaped unharmed. Yes, maybe it was obvious, but still impossible. Yet another betrayal, that he had lied to her. A nagging voice in the back of her mind reminded her the she had lied to the whole of Camelot for months. She quickly ignored the voice, that had been talking to her more and more since her failed conquest of Camelot. Months had passed since her defeat, and she had been hunted, and her life had hung in the balance. She never went anywhere without having to hide her face, people recognised her too easily. Part of her was glad that everyone knew to fear her, but the more sensible part was aware that it made her weaker, and more alone. Only those with magic could understand her.

She didn't realise that she had started walking until she heard the crunch of undergrowth beneath her feet. She froze, looking around her. She was by a lake. She was awed by how scenic it was, with the mountains in the background. It was magical. It was then that she felt a tug at her thoughts, the familiar sensation of a powerful presence, that had been vacant since Morgause's injury. She turned her head, eyes wide as she met with stunning blue. How could he be here? Why had she been led here? He shouldn't be here at all, he's a danger to me, he betrayed me, he shouldn't be near me. Yet, he was magical, like her. Something yanked at her stone cold heart for the first time in over a year. Was she happy to see him?

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><p>Merlin shook himself, she couldn't be different. She was trying to fool him again. But, he wanted to believe. He looked away from her, she was a mystery that he couldn't solve. He stared into the lake, letting the beauty wash over him. He ignored her, even though it made him weaker and more vulnerable, he just didn't want her to be here. He didn't want to hear her lies, not again. He just wanted to close his eyes and let the tears run down his face, but could he do it with her watching him? Yes, he could.<p>

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><p>Morgana watched with shock and pity as the man she loathed let down his defences. She froze, unsure what to do. Had she been the old Morgana she would have comforted him without a moments thought, but she was no longer the old Morgana. She was cold, and such an act wouldn't be welcomed by the man. If she was Morgause, she would have killed the man before her without thinking. That's why they were different. She could only pretend, but she wasn't. She was just broken, not cold. She was a little girl having a temper tantrum. That was all.<p>

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><p>Merlin watched her leave, his heart exploding in pain. She was different. She was an echo of good, and a shadow of evil. She was neither, she hovered in between. He knew that the next time they meet, it would either be in battle, or in a loving embrace. Both would end in tears, that is what he knew. That was why he did not follow her, because he couldn't. The world had changed for them, and what could have been, was now impossible.<p>

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><p><strong>Please review! Pretty please with puppy eyes! How about merlin puppy eyes? <strong>


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